Okay, I know it's not my content but I wanted to share my morning chuckle courtesy of George Carlin...
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.Busy day today so I'll have to try and squeeze something in later. The first one of George's bits reminded me to talk about being e-mailed by a friend from highschool that I haven't seen since then... more on that later if I get chance. (oh, and it's not that I didn't like her, it's just that we went our separate ways and never crossed paths again, like I did with most friend from back then:) )
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a retard. When you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. When you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," Oooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: Girls, just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
Have a great day!
g.
2 comments:
damnit
if i had read before writing i wouldn't have ALSO posted the same RULES...
george carlin rulz...
I'd like to mention (in friendly tone :0 ) that I have just spent a few hours scouring your blog and I noticed a reoccouring theme...Not following up with your entries endings. I say this with interest only, forexample in one entery you promised to get back to "us" and tell a story about your neice and then in this recent entry you reel us in waiting for more on your classmates friend. ;) Never to get back to us. I would love to hear more about your findings on many of your un-completed stories on your blog entries. If you ever have time to go back you will see what I mean. Love reading your blog, interesting, light hearted and FUN! Thanks for a little peepy window into your world. ;)
VP
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